Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
