life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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