i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize