mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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