i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
