I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
