Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I checked into jail on foursquare
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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