keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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