WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
