Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
