Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
