Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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