Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
