shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
