all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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