Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
