I wannas sexs uuuuu
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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