I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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