i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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