I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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