Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.

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(858): View more from California

I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.

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(541): View more from Oregon

She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself

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(615): View more from Tennessee

After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean

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