Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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