What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
