i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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