I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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