Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
