you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
