remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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