Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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