New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
