just come out here and I will go home with you...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
