im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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