New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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