SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
