It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
