the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
