You work out of a Hotel?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
