I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
