They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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