i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
