As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
