Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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