how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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