Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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