We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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