You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
