turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
