You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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