I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
