Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
