I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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