I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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