she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
