I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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