I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
