Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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