Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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