i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
