I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
