In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
