"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
