I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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