he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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