Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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