it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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