You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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