found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
