I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
