im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
