I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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