im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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