I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
