You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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