it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize